“When Aunt Pooh introduced me to hip-hop, Nas told me the world was mine, and I believed it could be. Now, standing here on this stage, I know it is.” (Thomas, On The Come Up 442) Who is Brianna Jackson? Brianna Jackson is not just an ambitious sixteen year old girl but she is a brave, strong, and powerful survivor. She survived from collapsing into what society wanted her to become. In Angie Thomas’ On The Come Up Brianna Jackson’s identity is represented in many ways. Her identity changes a lot throughout the story and Bri experiences a tough journey. A journey not just of becoming a rapper but a journey of Bri finding out who she truly is and even if that true self changes, the main message is that Bri won't pretend to be someone else for anyone else. Firstly, Bri doesn't know who she is and goes through an identity crisis. Furthermore, Bri starts to play into the hoodlum/rapper title and tried to become someone she wasn't. Lastly, Brianna truly showed that she is a caring and soft individual, that felt as though she had to hide her true self.
Bri pretended to be who others thought she was because she didn't know who she truly was yet. Bri was going through an identity crisis. In the middle of the book after Aunt Pooh went to jail Brianna’s mother asked her “Who are you?” she repeated. “Of the millions and billions of people in the world, you’re the only person who can answer that. Not people online or at school. I can’t even answer that. I can say who I think you are” (Thomas, 397). This quotation shows that Bri didn't know who she was; she was being what others thought she was. She couldn’t even find an answer to her mom's question. She was a teenager and teeneagers go through times when they need to figure a lot out. This quotation is a way to see how Brianna was still trying to figure out her own identity. “she doesn't know her worth” (Thomas, 397), worth and self worth means to feel good enough, feel worthy of living, feel love and belonging. Bri and Aunt Pooh both didn’t find their worth at this point. This adds to why Bri’s identity kept changing and how it wasn’t stable. In On The Come Up when Jay locked herself in her room Bri goes to talk to her brother and thinks to herself after he yelled at her “I’ve lost Aunt Pooh. I may be losing my mom. I lost my cool so bad that I’ve lost more than I realize. I’m lost. I’m so lost that I'm exhausted from trying to find my way.” (Thomas, 360) The metaphor of being “lost” is very relevant to Brianna not having a true identity because it didn’t mean she was truly lost (for example on the streets) but she was lost/tired mentally and emotionally from trying to find her identity. “Hoodlum. One word, two syllables. Can be made to rhyme with a lot of things. Synonyms: thug, delinquent, hooligan, low-life, gangster, and, according to Long, Brianna.” (Thomas, 68) This stream of consciousness truly showed the thoughts of Brianna Jackson. It showed how Bri was allowing those security guards to influence her thoughts and identity. This idea pulls back to how Bri was having an identity crisis. Moreover, you can also read On The Come Up and believe that Bri was just a jealous and dumb teenager. Now this could be the case but Bri kept changing throughout the story and she was slowly finding her identity. Brianna went through a lot of identity changes throughout On The Come Up. Bri didn’t know who she truly was. So she pretended to be someone else, but that someone else wasn't her identity. The fact that others were deciding who she was showed how she wasn’t strong about who she was. The Black Lives Matter protest would have very much changed Bri’s thought of herself and community as it would make her feel more threatened and targeted. It would have made her fall into the ‘black’ identity so that she would feel more safe. The whole idea of that boy in the book being killed by the cop would have been a way to have started Bri’s identity problem. She would have been scared and she would have started questioning who she was and what was different between her and that boy that was killed.
Brianna played into the hoodlum and rapper idea to try and become what people wanted/thought she was. When Brianna created her song she wrote “You think I’m a thug? Well, I claim it. This Glock, yeah, I cock it and aim it.” (Thomas, 110-111) This quotation showed how Bri truly was falling into this false identity. Her inner self was scared from the law so she bounced back with anger and decided to play into who they already thought she was.“You think I’m a thug?” This key part of the quotation showed how Bri understood how others thought of her. At her age knowing what others think you are because of your colour would really put a set back in finding your identity. Brianna used this stereotype to make it her label. She played with this because she didn’t know any other way to be, since she didn't have a ‘way’. When Bri showed Malik her song ‘On The Come Up’ Malik responded with “Only reason you rapped like that is ‘cause that’s how everybody raps right?” (Thomas, 153) The usage of the rhetorical question would have been to allow the reader to understand that Malik knew what Bri was doing but he wanted her to understand as well. The fact she didn’t know what she did at the time showed how she even tricked herself into believing that rap gangster persona was her true identity. After Bri was kicked out of the ring she wakes up with a thought “Lots of people think that I’m somebody I’m not, too. I’ve been called ghetto, ratchet, a hood rat with no home training. All of that. I don’t know if I’m more pissed or hurt.” (Thomas, 217) The stream of consciousness used in this quotation showed that Brianna started to realize that the person everyone thought she was, wasn’t her. You see how her playing into an identity just hurt/angered her more because it wasn’t what she wanted to be seen as. Her short lived hoodlum identity started to break down within and it allowed the reader to see her start to grow more as an individual. However, you may also have read this and just see it as Brianna being herself. You can look at it from the perspective that Brianna is surrounded by gang members, lives in the hood, and raps. all things that are the stereotypical ‘black gangster’. However,On The Come Up digs into Bri's identity deeper. Brianna is more than just a simple identity but a complex one because she was seen by others as a hoodlum but she learned to care more about who she was than what others wanted her to be. Brianna did fall into the idea of being a gangster rapper but as you’d continue to read you would see how she was just delusionalized because everyone around her was convincing her that that's who she was.
Brianna Jackson was truly a caring and soft individual, but she always felt she couldn't show that side of her. Near the end of the book she showed her true self a bit more. She broke down in certain events releasing the true sixteen year old girl inside. Bri was in the ring and was supposed to perform DeeNice’s song but she thought about how that wasn't her and before freestyling she thought “For the longest, people acted like I was my dad’s clone. Supreme acts like I’m a puppet, too. But my brother called me a gift. My mom calls me her miracle, If I’m nothing else, I’m her daughter, and I’m trey’s sister.” (Thomas, 439) This quotation showed how Bri started to realize she didn't have to be a certain person to fulfill her dream but she had/wanted to be herself. As a reader this showed how Bri’s identity was built not on her family but around. It showed that Bri wasn’t anyone, she wasn’t anything, but she started to be who Brianna Jackson wanted to be. When Bri checked on her mom when she was having a rough time from Aunt Pooh going to jail they had a heart to heart allowing Bri to realize that her mom (Jay) was fighting everyday and even if she ever did relapse she would always love Bri “ I love you too … Mom.” (Thomas, 414) The fact that Bri called Jay Mom was a very important part of her identity because it shows that Bri is opening her trust and closing the idea that she will lose her mom and everyone around her. This little moment would have changed Brianna’s identity forever. Opening her to be more open. When Aunt Pooh was being arrested Curtis brought Bri to his house. Bri watched her aunt be handcuffed through a window and she exclaimed to Curtis “Everybody…” I gulp for air. “Everybody leaves me.” I sound as small as I feel. This is my mom telling me Daddy left us to go to heaven. This is her backing out of the driveway. even as I scream for her not to leave me. Nobody ever realized they took part of me with them.” (Thomas, 340) The usage of exaggeration and metaphor in this quotation really emphasized how hard this moment truly was for Bri. It also allowed the reader to understand the true pain that stayed with Bri from all the past traumas. Everything that hurt Bri also is what made her identity stronger. She tried hiding how alone she felt but she expressed it with Curtis. This was important as she was normally a closed book and opening to others is big on showing how soft and worryful her personality truly was. Bri’s ending freestyle states “But you’ll never call me sellout, and you’ll never call me thug. In the Garden kids are starving, hearts are hardened, beg my pardon, But fuck the system. your assumptions? They just show just where your heart is.” (Thomas, 440) Within Brianna’s rap you can understand her stream of consciousness. The quotation showed how Bri knew that the Garden/home wasn’t just the ‘hood’ but it was people that struggled like them to pay bills and eat. The quotation also allowed the reader to see how she wasn't claiming the ‘thug’ name ever again because just like using other peoples lyrics is something that isn't her. It is something that isn’t a part of her true identity. Furthermore, You may think that a kind, caring, and growing girl wasn't what Bri was. You may believe she truly was a thug, or that she still hasn’t found her true identity. Now that may be right to some degree but Bri showed many signs of caring about her family, friends and community. Like everyone, she wouldn’t stay the same forever but what you see in the book is that she was true to her Identity further through the book. “Not long ago, my mom asked me who I am. I'm starting to think I know. You see, I'm headstrong (and petty) like Grandma. I’m creative like Grandaddy. (...) I speak my mind like my Mom. (...) I care so much that it hurts. Like Trey. I’m like dad in a lot of ways, even if I’m not him. (...) If I’m nothing else, I’m them, and they’re me. That’s more than enough.” (Thomas, 425) Brianna Jackson finds herself and knows what to be true to. She went through a lot, some situations left not answered or solved but being true to herself she found. She found her identity.
“That’s some life-changing shit-stuff.” Mom still side-eyes him. “Bri, you wanna do it baby?” I stare at the tweet. This is major. It could be the shot I need. “Yeah,” I say, and look at my mom. “Long as I can do it my way.”” (Thomas 447) Throughout On The Come Up Brianna finds out who she wanted to be with people she wanted to be surrounded by. She may lose her people as time goes on but she won’t lose herself if she knows what she isn't. Firstly, Bri lost herself and didnt know who she was. Furthermore, Bri started to pretend to be someone she wasn't, she pretended to be that black gangster everyone looked at her as. Lastly, Bri was a caring person that felt she had to hide her true self deep within. Brianna Jackson’s identity went through many changes but one change that made her strongest was when she realized that others will never know who she truly is and that's okay because that question will only ever be able to be answered by her.
Work Cited
Thomas, Angie. On the Come Up. HarperCollins Publishers, 2020.
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